The 20 Differences Between Men And Women
The 20 Differences Between Men And Women
Yes we have different parts - but the differences between the sexes has more to do with what we do and what we think, than what we have.
As long as man and woman have been on this planet, we have seen the world in a different way. That's why thought it was important to lay out the 20 differences I as a great observer of the world have found between man and woman.
Relationships:
We men do not have relationships .. we refer to relationships as "semi regular things".
Women either casually date, or have met "the right one" that could lead to a "the big day".
When men and women break up, women will cry their eyes out with friends, the friends will call all men pigs, she will then sit down and write a poem about the pain, the sorrow the angst.
Men on the other hand will mourn, for an afternoon - then go out with his friends that night who will do everything possible to help him find some girl to give him a hummer, so he can get over her.
Sex:
When it comes to sex .. women need the right mood, the right time, the right setting. Men just need to know sex is involved and anything and any place will do.
Women love cuddling, kissing and all that stuff .. and they want it to last 45 minutes .. they call this foreplay. Men consider foreplay the drive home.
Hats:
Most women look good in hats, hell they even look good in ball caps; men look like dinks
Going out:
Men can get ready to go out in a few minutes .. for women getting ready is an ordeal that can only be compared in length and complicity to refurbishing the Staue of Liberty. And even when a woman says she's ready to go .. that only means ready once she finishes a few more touch ups on the makeup, more work on the hair, and another wardrobe change. Estimated time - 45 minutes more.
Shoes:
Most men were shocked when they heard the story of Amelda Marcos, the wife of a formerPhilipine politician .. she had thousands of pairs of shoes. Most women wern't shocked, and considered her shoe collection a necessity of life.
Leg warmers:
Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "A Chorus Line".
Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, or a bald mans head.
Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
Menopause:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction--he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.
The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
Low Blows:
a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of the fighters is downed by a low blow. The woman says "Oh, gee, that must hurt." The man doubles over and actually feels pain.
Locker Rooms:
In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, sports and women. We exaggerate about money, we tell lies about our sporting prowless and we fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room--sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and THEY NEVER LIE.
Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth.
Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor party
Cheerleaders:
Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American. Male cheerleaders are scary.
Socks:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.
Mustaches:
Some men look good with mustaches. Those men are Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. There are no women who look good with mustaches.
Nicknames:
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.
Yes we have different parts - but the differences between the sexes has more to do with what we do and what we think, than what we have.
As long as man and woman have been on this planet, we have seen the world in a different way. That's why thought it was important to lay out the 20 differences I as a great observer of the world have found between man and woman.
Relationships:
We men do not have relationships .. we refer to relationships as "semi regular things".
Women either casually date, or have met "the right one" that could lead to a "the big day".
When men and women break up, women will cry their eyes out with friends, the friends will call all men pigs, she will then sit down and write a poem about the pain, the sorrow the angst.
Men on the other hand will mourn, for an afternoon - then go out with his friends that night who will do everything possible to help him find some girl to give him a hummer, so he can get over her.
Sex:
When it comes to sex .. women need the right mood, the right time, the right setting. Men just need to know sex is involved and anything and any place will do.
Women love cuddling, kissing and all that stuff .. and they want it to last 45 minutes .. they call this foreplay. Men consider foreplay the drive home.
Hats:
Most women look good in hats, hell they even look good in ball caps; men look like dinks
Going out:
Men can get ready to go out in a few minutes .. for women getting ready is an ordeal that can only be compared in length and complicity to refurbishing the Staue of Liberty. And even when a woman says she's ready to go .. that only means ready once she finishes a few more touch ups on the makeup, more work on the hair, and another wardrobe change. Estimated time - 45 minutes more.
Shoes:
Most men were shocked when they heard the story of Amelda Marcos, the wife of a formerPhilipine politician .. she had thousands of pairs of shoes. Most women wern't shocked, and considered her shoe collection a necessity of life.
Leg warmers:
Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "A Chorus Line".
Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, or a bald mans head.
Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
Menopause:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction--he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.
The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
Low Blows:
a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of the fighters is downed by a low blow. The woman says "Oh, gee, that must hurt." The man doubles over and actually feels pain.
Locker Rooms:
In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, sports and women. We exaggerate about money, we tell lies about our sporting prowless and we fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room--sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and THEY NEVER LIE.
Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth.
Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor party
Cheerleaders:
Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American. Male cheerleaders are scary.
Socks:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.
Mustaches:
Some men look good with mustaches. Those men are Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. There are no women who look good with mustaches.
Nicknames:
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.
posted by ian at 1:10 PM
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